Watching the World Go By No More: Goal #1
March 30, 2010 § 7 Comments
I’m sitting here watching the world go by. It is snowing outside. It is beautiful. This is the most snow we have had in at least a month, possibly more. And I am just watching it. Big huge white flakes just keep falling.
All I do lately is watch. It’s too much. It’s like I keep expecting my life to magically end up on a path to somewhere again. But that isn’t how things work. I have to put myself on a path. I have to work towards a path. But what path?
I’m so indecisive, so uncertain, so hard on myself and so afraid at times that I”m literally frozen. Like right now I feel stuck to this couch. I really don’t want to spend my life stuck to a couch. I’ve been trying to a write a blog entry for days now and couldn’t figure out what to write, or I hated everything I wrote, or didn’t think that justified my current mood, so I didn’t write anything. I need to break my inadvertent blogging fast and get posting again.
I end up in this frozen state too because I’m overwhelmed with all that I have to do, want to do, should do that I don’t know where to even begin. I need to make lists each day with goals that I can achieve. I was thinking that maybe I need to make three big goals for this year, that way I can say I at least did three things that were important to me this year.
I knew the first one instantly. I can’t remember when this hasn’t been a goal. And as shallow and vain a goal this may seem, it is not. It is extremely important to me and most women, probably most people.
Goal #1: Get the body I want. For right now I’d like to weigh 135lbs and be a size 8. When I reach that I will reassess.
Yes, we women are pretty obsessed with self image. And while a huge part of my desire to get fit is so that I look great in slinky black dresses and a swim suit, I just want to feel good about myself. There is nothing wrong with that. Secondly, I live in the great outdoors. I moved to small town Montana and in small town Montana you ski, hike, bike, raft, climb and a whole slew of activities I never thought I’d try in my life. And every time I’m on the mountain throwing myself down challenging terrain on a snowboard and I feel tired I think to myself how much I want to be in better shape. I want to be a better athlete.
So that is my first goal for 2010.