Dreams of blogging…Dreams of…

August 16, 2011 § 3 Comments

I have a dream where I actually blog on a regular basis.
It’s just a dream, it in no way has come to fruition. This little dream that seems forever suited to sit on the shelf in my big giant dream closet has a lot of buddies. Here are a few of blog dream’s closest buddies.
1. Travel again from a backpack with a writing/photography focus.
2. Do something meaningful with photography (i.e. Donate family portrait sessions to families with an ill loved one, invest in youth that are interested in photography)
3. Go back to school (Get my masters and get every last drop out of the experience)
4. Make a difference in life (i.e. become a teacher, find a need in my community and work on fulfilling it, be more about others and less about myself)
5. Become a writer (I don’t even have to be published, I just want to write well and regularly)
Sure, some of those are pretty lofty and vague. Maybe that’s why they seem to have taken permanent residence in that ol’ closet of mine. How can you accomplish a dream when it isn’t even completely formed?
And then there is my goal closet and that is about 5x the size of my dream closest. Should that be the other way around?
Here I am drowning in goals and dreams and yes I have achieved quite a lot in the last two years. I have a real job, real relationship and I enjoy both. But there is a part of me that wants more, imagines that there should be more to life. Yep, I have hopelessly romantic notions about what life should be like.
I don’t want to forever be this way, this is one of my biological father’s biggest flaws, causing him to miss out on the wonders of life he already had in front of him. I have so so much that I don’t appreciate and enjoy. Big Sky, Montana, my boyfriend, my family, reading, writing, breathing, because I work too much because I want too much, and possibly not the right things.
Our culture just doesn’t know how to slow down and I’m suffering that fate at present. Sometimes you just need to stop, reevaluate and figure out what really is going to bring you satisfaction, joy and peace in life. Even if it doesn’t fit with the American cookie cutter dream. I have to think back to my traveler’s mentality that had lifted the societal walls and showed me the world was truly my oyster and redefine my goals and dreams. I have to not be afraid of what I might find when I do this, because I’m pretty comfortable at the moment. Its time for a little shake up. However, soul searching might have to wait until October, when I’ve finished editing thousands of pictures.
Yep, soulsearching is going on the calendar for October 6-10. Next thing you know, I’ll have to write sex on the calendar. Not good!

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§ 3 Responses to Dreams of blogging…Dreams of…

  • andrea says:

    Sometimes Tori you need to slog through your to-do list, your real to-do list, before your can relax and enjoy. Don’t add so much to your list that you can’t enjoy the moment. You are young, have good genes (which means you will probably be around a while) and with age I think you will look back on some of these dreams and realize you enjoyed just thinking about them. Don’t worry so much Tori, be happy. Your aunty A.

  • Jen says:

    Hey….this post was SO spot on! I’m trying to force myself to write more, so I logged into this wordpress account I’ve had forever and decided to get more active on it. It’s like, if I think everything I write is crappy, why not try a bit harder to make it not crappy? Easier said than done, but still! Hope you had an awesome bday Tori, ttyl!

    -Jen O’Donnell

    • Tori says:

      Thanks so much Jen. It’s nice to know that someone else is on the same page. I think it is part of being in your twenties and in between and working towards so many things. Come to Montana soon, we have too much in common!

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