I think I might write more…and how to stop caring about…

March 17, 2013 § Leave a comment

So I think I might write more. Not sure. Not making any promises. But it is a possibility.

Today, I am thinking about one of my biggest barriers to success. It is a completely self-inflicted barrier but probably the most difficult for me to surmount. It’s caring too much what everyone else thinks and what everyone else is doing. Anyone else have this problem? There have been a rare few times in my life when my vision was so crystal clear and I knew so well who I was that I have leapt over this wall like it never even existed. The biggest instance I can think of was when I embarked on my round the world journey. Plenty of people doubted not only my ability to do it and not end up dirt poor on the street but also the practicality. I didn’t care. I especially didn’t care what anyone else was doing. It was just the path I had to take. If only I had that much resolve all the time. But often I don’t and I’m sure that is caused by many mixture of things. It is probably a very natural part of life for many.

I’ve been thinking about this a great deal over the past week or two. There is a big change coming in my professional career (but I think since my professional and personal are so strongly tied it really just affects my life as a whole), a change I probably very much need. But I’m frightened. Why am I frightened? For all manner of reasons, one being what if I end up dirt poor on the street? Probably mostly is that I am going out on my own as an artist with out a cushion anymore. Just me and my art and what if I can’t really connect and produce the work I want to? What if no one wants to buy it? What if the phone doesn’t ring? What if I just play it safe and remain average? Sometimes I am afraid to take risks and really be myself because the fear of what others may say or think creeps in. I don’t do well when I hear that someone doesn’t like me. I think I have shared that here before. I want everyone to like me! But that just ain’t possible.

I just came back from a week in Vegas of all places that quietly upset me. I know that I can play it safe and succeed. I have those skills, but the thing is I know I’d look back and be disappointed. I’m not really a play it safe girl. Why do you think I took off after college for a couple years to explore? That isn’t play it safe style. I want to live. And Vegas reminded me of this. It reminded me of the crazy traveler who made lots of friends with complete strangers, who bought a one way ticket with out much of a plan, of the girl who fell head over heels in love even though I knew it was doomed, it reminded that I only get this one life and I have gotten a bit too comfortable. I have been playing it safe and become more than ever concerned with what people think of me. It even guides some of my choices. Crazy, huh?

There is an opportunity on the horizon to dream of unrealistic things* and go after them. People will tell me to not set my goals so high, people will judge me for dreaming so high, and others will root me on! I might not make it the first time. If I fail, my hope is I will pick up and keep going. And the journey might change along the way. The most successful people dream of unrealistic things and believe they are possible.

Here’s to dreaming unrealistically and believing in it with every part of my soul.

Step one: Stop paying attention to everyone else’s journey. Step two: Work with a pure intent and accept I’m going to ruffle a few feathers along the way anyways.

*P.S. The lingo about dreaming of unrealistic things came from Jonas Peterson. He is a master storyteller and my greatest inspiration as a photographer. Check him out if you haven’t already.




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